I have a 19yr old son who graduated HS last summer. He does not look for work, will not fill out papers for financial aid for college, and is rude and disrespectful to me. The only chores I ask of him is to take out the trash daily, clean the cat pans daily, do snow removal/lawn care as needed, and occasional various little jobs around the house before he plays his video games. I told him today that I was making an appointment for vocational rehab for him and he had to go or I would drop him off at a homeless shelter. He says I am being mean and that he does not "have it good" here at home. Am I wrong? Should I let my son take his own time to get a life? I am tired of arguing with him, and would like both parents and adult children to answer this question so I get both sides. Thank you.
Background info. He was in special ed throughout his school years for a behavior disorder, but did graduate. He is socially and emotionally behind, but his IQ is above normal. The school didn’t give him job training because they wanted him to go to college.
Hm, seeing the background info really clears up the air for me. Your son has emotional and social problems, what you see, he doesn’t understand. However, you guys should do a lot more together! Just to get the relationship stronger, since I can see it’s quite weak.
You are not being too hard on your son, I can absolutely see why you would say those things! He is just being way too lazy and you need to help him realize what reality is. Be positive and supportive, but also be persistent and understanding.
When he says "I don’t have it good here," he means that "we’re not rich and I am not enjoying anything life has to offer" OR he is just totally spoiled [sorry no offense since I'm not sure.]
Remember the little steps make a huge difference later on, so I recommend you doing this and see if it’ll work [just be patient and don't rush things]:
1 – Plan a vacation together, or even just to go out of town/city for a bit!
2 – Take him to place where BOTH of you can enjoy, possibly a place with a swimming pool or something.
Or if you rather stay home
1 – Ask him to help you with the garden or to rearrange the house
2- Talk to him about things he enjoys! [since guys usually like to talk about themselves] or to start it off you talk about what you enjoy!
3 – Tell him that you love him and you really worry for him, and tell him what would happen if you were not to live for another day! What would he do when you are gone.
4 – Sometimes people like that need a good push, so what you need to do [not saying you're a bad mother!] is to show some power inside the house. Remove his games or anything and tell him to smarten up! Talk to him, don’t be boring! Laugh here and there because if you’re too serious, you could possibly hurt him even more!
5 – Show him how to do certain things, like laundry or something. If you don’t get him involved in certain things he could think that he isn’t wanted! But do it together!
I am not sure if any of this will work! Only time can tell.
Don’t take it too far and don’t take it too fast!
I have a brother like your son.. I get mad at him the exact same way [except with the college and stuff].(He’s just so lazy!!!)
And you’re not being too hard on him.. you’re being a good mother and you should always do what is best for you child.
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